Today I went to see my cat at the vet. I put my hands on him, pet him, and told him it’s ok for him to go if he wants to. Usually when I scratch his cheeks, he gets really happy, but he didn’t seem to care about anything. I can tell that he doesn’t want to be here anymore. I just can. So now, unless a miracle happens, I have to work on saying good-bye.
Last night, somebody told me that I “should” just accept what the “Universe” is giving me and be at peace with my grief. I think that is a bullshit Western mutation of Eastern philosophy. Here in the world of Western medicine, we are always looking for ways to just slap band-aids on things and make everything ok. I’ve noticed that people have started mutating Eastern belief systems in order to use them like anti-depressants and mood enhancers. But grief is not something to put a band-aid on. People are not just minds who can control their emotional states with some bullshit Oprah take on Eastern philosophy. And loss is not just a lesson, but an emotional event that exists in its own vibrational frequency.
I think that grief is an emotion that is trying to communicate something to your being. I think that tears, anger, and shadow emotions aren’t something to push away or be ignored. They are there to help us and communicate to us just as much as light emotions.
The shaman, or medicine man, would never just say, “I think what would be best for you is to just not think about your pain.” No way, Jose. The shaman often exposes himself to the shadow emotions, sometimes even burying himself under the ground in order to get in touch with death and shadow energy. A healer absolutely cannot heal unless she has known the illness she is trying to heal on a personal level. I truly believe this. So did Carl Jung.
I think that many of these newer metaphysical teachings make people feel like they are in control. I enjoy practicing manifestation and trying to tap into light energy through reiki practice, but I also know that there is chaos in the Universe. There’s no way that we can explain mass murder and infanticide by saying those people just weren’t connecting to God. No way, man. That’s bullshit. And I’d love to go up to a poor black mother on the south side of Chicago after her kid has been murdered and tell her to listen to Dr. Wayne Dyer. Not.
I guess my point in writing this is to give myself permission to grieve, and give you permission to connect to shadow energy as much as light energy. Don’t believe the hype. You cannot heal yourself or anyone else until you connect with the emotions you are going through. Don’t reach for a metaphysical band-aid. Check the wound out for a while. Allow it to breathe. Let it heal. Don’t dig into it with a knife or anything, but do let it speak to you. And always disregard the word “should.” It’s a really bad word to use when confronting pain.